singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
