Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
