You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
