Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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