Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So vagazzling was a success
He shit in the fireplace
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
