this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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