Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I believe in your delicious
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
