Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
