I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
