cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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