People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
