3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
