If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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