Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
