see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i came on her dog
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
