It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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