She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
