Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize