piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize