i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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