i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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