You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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