I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
