I will die if light touches me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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