dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
