1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
