so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
