He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
