My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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