Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
