I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
