You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
