I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
