Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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