u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
