Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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