Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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