It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
a search helicopter?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
