Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
