my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
