lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
