I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
