You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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