Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
