with your own penis?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
