i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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