I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
