The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
