I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
