Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
