did you get engaged???
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
