i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
