Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
