Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
