If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i came on her dog
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
