I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
