guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
