you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
