Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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