I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
