i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
