Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
