I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
