if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
