just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
